So often people ask “How are you?” in passing, without really expecting an answer.

But sometimes they do lean in. They really want to know.

Or they think they do.

“How are you?” they ask. “How are the kids doing?”

As the parents of children with medically complex conditions, how do we answer that question?

Well, she is currently not in the hospital, her seizures are stable at 1-3 a day, right now. Life is a very good, status quo! 

But if I say “we’re good” or “we’re great” - which is how good days feel - that answer often leads to more hopeful follow-up questions like “is she getting better?” 

Getting better is not the plan, or even the hope. Maintaining the current level on our good days- that is great! With three different conditions that each individually qualify her for palliative care, being stable is a huge blessing. 

But… “we are the same” or “stable” or something similar sounds so depressed, almost mopey.

“Oh, we’re the same.”

People don’t usually say that in a positive tone!

On bad days, “we are struggling” sometimes works, but it takes people so far out of their comfort zone. They often wish they hadn’t  asked. Or they curiously seek details like one does when driving past a car accident. And that’s painful. 

On good days I think, ‘We have prayed to be status quo!’

“Same old -same old” is a blessing we hold onto with both hands. 

I’m still looking for the right words to say that. Is there a way to communicate our truth without spending all of the energy it takes to explain it? How do I answer and conserve and protect my energy and theirs?