When a child has complex medical needs, the entire family feels the impact. While the focus often falls on the child receiving treatment, their siblings carry their own quiet burdens.

They may feel overlooked when a parent spends nights at the hospital. They may feel jealous of the attention their brother or sister receives. Or they may feel guilty for wishing life were different.

As parents can’t always make everything “fair.” Because the truth is, it isn’t fair.

But what we can do is give siblings the tools to express their emotions. We can validate their feelings, and remind them that their place in the family is just as important.

Talking about sibling emotions isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important parts of raising a strong, connected family.

How Can We Support Siblings of Medically Complex Children?

Acknowledge the Invisible Feelings

Siblings of medically complex children often learn early to hide their emotions. They see parents under stress and don’t want to add more. But pretending doesn’t make the feelings go away—it just buries them deeper. As a parent, you can help by naming what you notice: “It looks like you’re upset when I have to stay overnight at the hospital. Do you want to talk about it?” By giving them language, you give them permission to be honest.

Create Dedicated One-on-One Time

Even small amounts of intentional time can have a big impact.

A 15-minute walk, reading a favorite story, or a stop for ice cream communicates, “You matter to me too.” Years ago, when I had several young, I instituted an "open lap" policy.

If I was sitting down, a child feeling the need was welcome to just climb on and snuggle- no words needed. I wanted the message to be that their need for connection was important.

It’s not about matching the hours spent on medical care. It’s about fostering moments where siblings feel seen and prioritized.

Over time, these small rituals build security.

Explain With Honesty and Simplicity

Children often create their own explanations when adults don’t provide clear ones.

A sibling might assume, “My brother is sick because I wished he wasn’t around,” or, “Mom loves her more because she spends more time with her.”

Offering simple, age-appropriate explanations protects them from blame and confusion. You don’t need to share every medical detail.

A phrase like, “Your sister’s body needs extra help from doctors, but it’s not because she’s loved more,” can be enough.

Include Them Without Pressure

Some siblings want to help, while others want space. Both responses are valid.

Giving them options respects their individuality. For example, one sibling might enjoy helping pack the hospital bag or choosing a toy to send along. Another might prefer drawing a card or FaceTiming from home.

Inclusion should never feel like a chore, but an invitation.

Validate the Unfairness

One of the hardest truths is that medical parenting often feels unfair. And to siblings, it genuinely is.

Their routines are disrupted, their parent’s attention is divided, and their lives sometimes revolve around someone else’s needs. Instead of trying to sugarcoat it, acknowledge it.

Validate their experiences by verbally recognizing the truth: “Yes, it does feel unfair sometimes. And it’s okay to feel angry about that.”

Validation doesn’t fix the situation, but it helps children feel less alone in their feelings.

Keep Traditions Alive

Hospital life has a way of derailing normal routines. But keeping family traditions - even small ones - helps siblings feel anchored.

Whether it’s Friday pizza night, bedtime stories, or decorating for holidays, consistency provides stability in the midst of medical chaos. Even if one parent is away, try to find creative ways to keep traditions going, like reading bedtime stories over video calls.

Watch for Signs of Deeper Struggles

Occasional jealousy or sadness is normal. But if a sibling begins to withdraw from friends, struggle at school, or act out frequently, it may be a sign they need extra support.

Teachers, school counselors, or sibling support groups can step in to provide a safe outlet. Early intervention helps siblings process their emotions in healthy ways.

Build a Family Culture of Openness

Our family culture is one of “everything gets to be said out loud.”

We teach gentle, respectful communication, while also acknowledging that expressing big feelings isn’t always graceful. When siblings feel safe to express themselves, resentment doesn’t have as much room to grow.

Show them that their voices matter just as much as their sibling’s medical needs. Encourage open conversations at the dinner table, during car rides, or before bed.

Over time, this creates a culture where everyone feels like part of the same team.

Final Thoughts

Supporting siblings when one child has medical needs is about balance, not perfection. You can’t always divide your time equally, but you can ensure every child feels valued, heard, and loved.

By acknowledging their emotions, making intentional space for them, and inviting honest conversations, you strengthen family bonds - even when life feels anything but fair.